Old Sailors' Almanac


Week 19, 2020

Previous Week   May 04, 2020 - May 10, 2020  Next Week

Sack of Rome; considered the end of the Renaissance on May 06, 1527

Sack of Rome; considered the end of the Renaissance on May 06, 1527

Sack of Rome; considered the end of the Renaissance: On 6 May 1527 the Spanish, German, and Italian troops of Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor and King of Spain, sacked Renaissance Rome.

The Sack was a climactic event in the War of the League of Cognac, begun in 1526, and in the broader Italian Wars waged between Spain, France, the Papal States and various Italian city-states between 1494 and 1559.

Rome was poorly defended by Pope Clement VII, who shortly beforehand had agreed to a truce with the imperialists against the wishes of his allies and had subsequently dismissed his mercenaries. With official blessing, however, the imperial commander Charles de Bourbon did not honor this truce, instead moving south down the Italian Peninsula, threatening Florence and then advancing on Rome.

Although Bourbon was fatally wounded during the sack, his troops quickly took the city. The pope fled to safety in Castel Sant’Angelo, where he remained trapped until he escaped to Orvieto in December; he would return to Rome only the following fall.

The invading army moved largely unimpeded through the city, assaulting and slaughtering its citizens, pillaging, and violating sacred spaces and objects. The levels of violence reported in eyewitness accounts shocked the rest of Italy and Europe, even after decades of regular warfare. The Roman population waited in vain for salvation by the French army or the troops of the League under the command of Francesco Maria della Rovere, Duke of Urbino.

Sack of Rome; considered the end of the Renaissance on May 06, 1527

The imperial army remained in Rome for nine months, all the while kidnapping and torturing the local population so as to unearth hidden money and valuables.

While it is difficult to measure with precision the impact of the sack, Hook 2004 estimates that by the end of 1527 nearly half of the city’s population had been killed, died of famine or disease, or had fled the city.

Other notable consequences included the torment and, in some cases, the death of artists and intellectuals, the destruction of humanist libraries, and the diaspora of artists, writers, and others previously connected to the city’s cultural activity

A lasting truce was struck only in June 1529, when Clement and Charles signed the Treaty of Barcelona. A symbolic enactment of peace occurred at the Congress (or Peace) of Bologna in late 1529 and early 1530, when the pope officially crowned Charles emperor and the cultural elite of Europe converged on the city; Rome, meanwhile, remained in shambles and was left to slowly beginn the process of rebuilding.

Oxford Bibliographies / Wikipedia / Encyclopedia Britannica / Military.Wikia.org / Vatican.va / Oer2go.org / Sack of Rome; considered the end of the Renaissance on May 06, 1527 (YouTube) video

“This Day in History”

This Day in History May 06

• 1536 King Henry VIII orders English-language Bibles be placed in every church.

• 1877 Chief Crazy Horse of the Oglala Lakota surrenders to United States troops in Nebraska.

• 1889 The Eiffel Tower is officially opened to the public at the Universal Exposition in Paris.

• 1915 Babe Ruth, then a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, hits his first major league home run.

• 1933 The Deutsche Studentenschaft attacked Magnus Hirschfeld's Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, later burning many of its books.

• 1935 New Deal: Under the authority of the newly-enacted Federal Emergency Relief Administration, President Franklin D. Roosevelt issues Executive Order 7034 to create the Works Progress Administration.

• 1937 Hindenburg disaster: The German zeppelin Hindenburg catches fire and is destroyed within a minute while attempting to dock at Lakehurst, New Jersey.

• 1940 John Steinbeck is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his novel The Grapes of Wrath.

• 1941 Bob Hope performs his first USO show at California's March Field.

• 1942 World War II: Battle of Corregidor, the last American forces in the Philippines surrender to the Japanese.

• 1945 World War II: Axis Sally delivers her last propaganda broadcast to Allied troops.

• 1945 World War II: The Prague Offensive, the last major battle of the Eastern Front, begins.

• 1949 EDSAC, the first practical electronic digital stored-program computer, runs its first operation.

• 1954 Roger Bannister becomes the first person to run the mile in under four minutes.

• 2010 Flash Crash, in just 36 minutes, the Dow-Jones average plunged nearly 1000 points.

Understanding Military Terminology: At the Marine Corps Museum: Norman Rockwell's “The War Hero”

Understanding Military Terminology

Operational Necessity

(DOD) A mission associated with war or peacetime operations in which the consequences of an action justify the risk of loss of aircraft and crew.

See also Mission.

Joint Publications (JP 3-04) Joint Shipboard Helicopter and Tiltrotor Aircraft Operations

Operational Pause

A temporary halt in operations.

Joint Publications (JP 5-0) Joint Planning - Federation Of American Scientists

Operational Preparation of the Environment

The conduct of activities in likely or potential areas of operations to prepare and shape the operational environment.

Also called OPE.

Joint Publications JP 3-05) Special Operationss

“O Captain! My Catain!”

The Old Salt’s Corner

“O Captain! My Captain!”

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:

But O heart! heart! heart!

O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

Here Captain! dear father!

This arm beneath your head;

It is some dream that on the deck,

You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;

From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;

Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

~ Walt Whitman (from Leaves of Grass, 1867 edition, first published in Saturday Press, New York, 1865)

“I’m Just Sayin’”

“I’m Just Sayin”

“It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us.”

“In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing.”

“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it.

The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time.

On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops.

Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.

I am haunted by waters.”

~ Norman Maclean

“Thought for the Day”

“Thought for the Day”

“Between two evils,

I always pick the one I never tried before.”

“When I'm good, I'm very good.

But when I'm bad I'm better.”

“It's not the men in my life that count

it's the life in my men.”

“Cultivate your curves -

they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”

~ Mae West

“What I Have Learned”

“What I Learned”

“A mistake should be your teacher, not your attacker.

A mistake is a lesson, not a loss.

It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end.”

~ Anonymous

Second Hand News

Second Hand News: Articles from Week 19 - May 04, 2020 - May 10, 2020

Top News Stories - Photos (Washington Examiner) Former FDA chief lacks confidence in coronavirus antibody tests: 'I'd repeat it three times'Senate office says it won't disclose Biden accuser complaint'Top' FBI officials dismiss Flynn entrapment claimsFlorida Representative Matt Gaetz: Mueller's bar license 'might be in question' if he knew Flynn deal was a 'setup'

Third Russian doctor mysteriously falls from hospital window during coronavirus outbreak'Ineffective and dangerous': Michael Savage says he will refuse to take a coronavirus vaccinationLittle Sisters of the Poor dragged back to the Supreme Court after nearly a decade of disputes

MOST READ: Former CIA operative: 'People like' Comey and Brennan should get death penalty‘Some neurological problem’: Flynn lawyer speculates about Mueller’s mental acuity Former Representative Trey Gowdy: Don't expect prosecutions in U.S. Attorney John Durham review of Russia investigation

'I can’t imagine Biden beating Trump:' Pink Floyd co-founder blasts 'slime ball' BidenStacey Abrams's embarrassing campaign for the vice presidencyAnti-lockdown protests draw wary reaction from business leaders Washington Examiner

Top News Stories - Photos (The Federalist) Your Guide To The Obama Administration’s Hit On Michael FlynnDOJ Supports Church Suing Virginia Gov. Northam For Threatening Fines, Imprisonment Of PastorA Rundown Of Major U.S. Corporate Media’s Business Ties To ChinaCongress Made Economic Crisis Worse By Incentivizing Unemployment Over Earning A Paycheck

The Media Is Blatantly Lying About Trump’s Coronavirus ResponseMedia Runs With Totally Misleading Narrative About Trump’s Lincoln ComparisonCoronavirus Shutdowns Expose The New Class Divide‘Bad Education’ Underscores Why Public Schools Shouldn’t Get Big Bailouts

MOST READ: Why I Didn’t Rat On My Neighbor For Cutting HairDemocrats Are Reaping The ‘Whirlwind’ Kavanaugh Warned AboutBiden Bothered Tara Reade’s Mother, But Blasey Ford’s Father Supported Kavanaugh’s ConfirmationDemocrats Demanded Millions Of Kavanaugh Records, But Stay Mum On Biden’s Senate Records

How Cowardice And Class Privilege Shift Support For Coronavirus LockdownsThe Death Of ExpertiseVirginia Health Commissioner Says Schools Could Remain Closed For Two YearsThe True Story Of How I Met My Sister On ‘Jeopardy’ The Federalist

Top News Stories - Photos (CORRUPTION CHRONICLES - Mainstream Media Scream: (Watch Dog On-Line Publications) CORRUPTION CHRONICLES: EXPOSED: #SpyGate Targeting of Lieutenant General Mike Flynn by Obama FBI!

“Investigating the Investigators:” Corrupt Targeting of Flynn Exposed, Judicial Watch Sues PA on Voter Rolls, CA on #COVID19 Payments

Michael Flynn Should Be Exonerated

Judicial Watch Sues California to Stop Governor Newsom’s Initiative to Provide $75 Million in Cash Benefits to Illegal Aliens

Judicial Watch Files Lawsuit on Behalf of Daily Caller News Foundation for Dr. Fauci and WHO Records Judicial Watch

OUTING FAKE NEWS OMISSIONS and DISTORTIONS: Galling Media Hypocrisy Slamed on Biden Sex Assault ClaimsNBC Groans About Calls to Investigate Biden: No ‘Huge Appetite’ for ItMSNBC's Ali Velshi Cues Up Liberal Constitutional Attorney Laurence Tribe to Fearmonger Over Trump JudgesCNN's Brian Stelter Throws Hardballs at McEnany, Softballs at Beanball-Throwing Olivia Nuzzi

RNC Head DESTROYS ABC’s Martha Raddatz on Media Ignoring Biden Rape ClaimWHO Do They Think They Are? New York Times Still Shills for China-Corrupted GroupConservative commentator Candace Owens Suspended from Twitter for Encouraging Defiance Against LockdownJournalists Complain That They Can't Handle Four More Years of Trump News Busters

Why Do Dogs Walk in a Circle Before Lying Down? Mr. Answer Man Please Tell Us: Why Do Dogs Walk in a Circle Before Lying Down?

Before lying down, dogs often circle their beds or wherever they've chosen to settle in for a nap. This curious canine behavior dates back to prehistoric times, when dogs literally had to make their own beds.

Although domesticated dogs have adapted to living with humans and can easily be housetrained, they've still retained some of their wild ancestors ' survival instincts.

“This behavior was hard-wired into the dog's ancestors as a way to build a safe 'nest'”, Leslie Irvine, author of “If You Tame Me: Understanding Our Connection With Animals”, told Life's Little Mysteries.”

Why Do Dogs Walk in a Circle Before Lying Down? (click to enlarge image)

Doggy beds and pillows haven't always been around, so wild dogs had to pat down tall grass and underbrush to make a comfortable bed for themselves and their pups. The easiest way to prepare that night's sleeping area was by walking around in a circle.

The rounding ritual may also have served as a safety precaution. “In the wild, the circling would flatten grasses or snow and would drive out any snakes or large insects”, said Irvine, a sociologist at the University of Colorado at Boulder who specializes in the role of animals in society.

“I have also heard that circling the area and thus flattening it leaves a visible sign to other dogs that this territory has been claimed”, Irvine said. “Even though our dogs now sleep on cushions, the behavior endures.”

Dogs Poop Along North-South Magnetic Lines

Dogs That Eat Rotten Toes: Altruistic, or Just Plain Hungry?

Why Do Dogs Love Water But Cats Hate It?

Can Police Dogs Really Sniff Out Drugs?

Live Science / Wikipedia / VCA Hospitals / Mental Floss / Quora / Psychology Today / SPCA.org / Dog Health / Why Do Dogs Walk in a Circle Before Lying Down? (YouTube) video

NAVSPEAK aka U.S. Navy Slang - U.S. Navy

NAVSPEAK aka U.S. Navy Slang

Maverick Can: The perfect place to sleep in a weapons magazine.

“M-Crud”: MCRD: Marine Corps Recruit Depot.

Meat Gazer: Unlucky individual designated to make sure the urine in a “Whiz Quiz” actually comes from the urinator's body. This is accomplished by spending all day meat gazing, or looking at dicks while guys are pissing. Also a man who stares at or is perceived to stare at another man's genitals in a communal shower.

Meat Identifier: A side dish during chow that helps in identifying usually nondescriptive looking main dishes. i.e. Applesauce: Indicative of pork chops, Horseradish: Prime Rib Beef...etc.


1. Fresnel Lens Optical Landing System, a visual landing aid used by naval aviators landing on a carrier. Aviators "call the ball" as a reference guide to their positioning in the landing sequence.

2. The pennant flown to denote the ship has won the Battle “E” competition.

MEDCRUISE: A float (operational cruise) in the Mediterranean Sea. Atlantic Fleet equivalent to a Pacific Fleet WESTPAC.


Just for MARINES - The Few. The Proud.

Just for you MARINE

MCI: Marine Corps Institute, a distance education program; also, the courses available to Marines for bonus promotion credit.

MCCS: Marine Corps Community Services (also known by the humorous backronym Marine Corps Crime Syndicate).

MCMAP, MCNinja: Marine Corps Martial Arts Program.

MMCT: Marine Combat Training, infantry skills training for non-infantry Marines.

MCSF: Marine Corps Security Forces (Company) usually a company size unit assigned to the security of Naval assets. MOS 8152, MCSF School is at NSGA Northwest VA, and due to the intense marksmanship training Marines are known as 'Gunslingers', Marine Corps Super Friends.


Naval Aviation Squadron Nicknames

Naval Aviation Squadron Nicknames

HSM-35 Helicopter Maritime Strike (HSM) Squadron Thirty Five - nicknamed the “Magicians”

United States Navy - Naval Air Station - United States Navy Reserve, Naval Air Station North Island in San Diego, California - Squadron Lineage May 2, 2012 - present.

Where Did That Saying Come From

Where Did That Saying Come From?

Where Did That Saying Come From? “Accidents will happen”

Accidents will happen:

Meaning: Things sometimes go wrong, despite our best efforts.

History: This proverb has been overtaken by the more vulgar 20th century 'shit happens'.

The original has its origins in the 18th century, as in John Muller's A treatise containing the practical part of fortification, 1755:

“But, notwithstanding all human precautions that can be taken, yet accidents will happen.”

Charles Dickens took up the thought a century or so later, with this the most well known expression of the proverb, in The personal history of David Copperfield, 1850:

“My dear friend Copperfield,' said Mr. Micawber, 'accidents will occur in the best-regulated families; and in families not regulated by that pervading influence which sanctifies while it enhances the - a - I would say, in short, by the influence of Woman, in the lofty character of Wife, they may be expected with confidence, and must be borne with philosophy.”


Science & Technology

Science & Technology

Science & Technology

The F-35 Is Cheap To Buy (But Not To Fly)The Cirrus Vision Is the Private Jet That Lands ItselfWiFi Is Illegal in This American Town. (And Yes, People Actually Live There.)What Would Happen If the Internet Went Down ... Forever? Popular Mechanics

Jupiter-sized exoplanet discovered through microlensingHarvesting genes to improve watermelonsNew printer creates extremely realistic colorful hologramsResearchers engineer insulin-producing cells activated by light for diabetes Phys.org / MedicalXpress / TechXplore

Bizarre News (we couldn’t make up stuff this good – real news story)

Bizarre News (we couldn’t make up stuff this good - real news story)

Two-legged robot mimics human balance while running and jumping

Two-legged robot mimics human balance while running and jumping

Source: Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Summary: Engineers have developed a method to control balance in a two-legged, teleoperated robot - an essential step toward enabling a humanoid to carry out high-impact tasks in challenging environments.

Rescuing victims from a burning building, a chemical spill, or any disaster that is inaccessible to human responders could one day be a mission for resilient, adaptable robots. Imagine, for instance, rescue-bots that can bound through rubble on all fours, then rise up on two legs to push aside a heavy obstacle or break through a locked door.

Engineers are making strides on the design of four-legged robots and their ability to run, jump and even do backflips. But getting two-legged, humanoid robots to exert force or push against something without falling has been a significant stumbling block.

Now engineers at MIT and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign have developed a method to control balance in a two-legged, teleoperated robot - an essential step toward enabling a humanoid to carry out high-impact tasks in challenging environments.

The team's robot, physically resembling a machined torso and two legs, is controlled remotely by a human operator wearing a vest that transmits information about the human's motion and ground reaction forces to the robot.

Through the vest, the human operator can both direct the robot's locomotion and feel the robot's motions. If the robot is starting to tip over, the human feels a corresponding pull on the vest and can adjust in a way to rebalance both herself and, synchronously, the robot.

In experiments with the robot to test this new “balance feedback” approach, the researchers were able to remotely maintain the robot's balance as it jumped and walked in place in sync with its human operator.

“It's like running with a heavy backpack - you can feel how the dynamics of the backpack move around you, and you can compensate properly”, says Joao Ramos, who developed the approach as an MIT postdoc. “Now if you want to open a heavy door, the human can command the robot to throw its body at the door and push it open, without losing balance.”

Two-legged robot mimics human balance while running and jumping

More than motion

Previously, Kim and Ramos built the two-legged robot HERMES (for Highly Efficient Robotic Mechanisms and Electromechanical System) and developed methods for it to mimic the motions of an operator via teleoperation, an approach that the researchers say comes with certain humanistic advantages.

“Because you have a person who can learn and adapt on the fly, a robot can perform motions that it's never practiced before [via teleoperation]”, Ramos says.

In demonstrations, HERMES has poured coffee into a cup, wielded an ax to chop wood, and handled an extinguisher to put out a fire.

All these tasks have involved the robot's upper body and algorithms to match the robot's limb positioning with that of its operator's. HERMES was able to carry out high-impact motions because the robot was rooted in place. Balance, in these cases, was much simpler to maintain. If the robot were required to take any steps, however, it would have likely tipped over in attempting to mimic the operator's motions.

“We realized in order to generate high forces or move heavy objects, just copying motions wouldn't be enough, because the robot would fall easily”, Kim says. “We needed to copy the operator's dynamic balance.”

Two-legged robot mimics human balance while running and jumping

Heavy lifting

To define how center of mass relates to center of pressure, Ramos gathered human motion data, including measurements in the lab, where he swayed back and forth, walked in place, and jumped on a force plate that measured the forces he exerted on the ground, as the position of his feet and torso were recorded. He then condensed this data into measurements of the center of mass and the center of pressure, and developed a model to represent each in relation to the other, as an inverted pendulum.

He then developed a second model, similar to the model for human balance but scaled to the dimensions of the smaller, lighter robot, and he developed a control algorithm to link and enable feedback between the two models.

The researchers tested this balance feedback model, first on a simple inverted pendulum that they built in the lab, in the form of a beam about the same height as Little HERMES. They connected the beam to their teleoperation system, and it swayed back and forth along a track in response to an operator's movements. As the operator swayed to one side, the beam did likewise -- a movement that the operator could also feel through the vest. If the beam swayed too far, the operator, feeling the pull, could lean the other way to compensate, and keep the beam balanced.

The experiments showed that the new feedback model could work to maintain balance on the beam, so the researchers then tried the model on Little HERMES. They also developed an algorithm for the robot to automatically translate the simple model of balance to the forces that each of its feet would have to generate, to copy the operator's feet.

Little HERMES also mimicked Ramos in other exercises, including running and jumping in place, and walking on uneven ground, all while maintaining its balance without the aid of tethers or supports.

“Balance feedback is a difficult thing to define because it's something we do without thinking”, “This is the first time balance feedback is properly defined for the dynamic actions. This will change how we control a teleoperated humanoid.”

“Now we can do heavy door opening or lifting or throwing heavy objects, with proper balance communication” Kim says.

Science Daily (10/29/2019) video

Second Hand News

Second Hand News: Articles from Week 19 - May 04, 2020 - May 10, 2020

Top News Stories - Photos (John Batchelor)

The politics of jettisoning the Communist Party of China (PRC). audio  

Colloquy: American and European academia leased to the Communist Party of China (PRC) & What is to be done? audio  

Colloquy: The Communist Party of China (PRC) stands accused of hiding the facts of the Covid-19 virus & What i to be done? audio  

The Democratic National Committee (DNC) ducks Joe Biden's troubles. audio  

The Trump campaign goes with MAGA again for the 2020 campaign #in-the-time-of-the-virus. audio  

Israel announces a breakthrough in finding an answer to Covid-19. audio   John Batchelor (05/10/2020)

© CEASAR CHOPPY by cartoonist Marty Gavin - archives Ceasar Choppy's Navy! “© CEASAR CHOPPY” by Marty Gavin


“Set Me Free” - The Kinks 1965

“Set Me Free” - The Kinks
Album: Kinda Kinks
Released 1965 video

Not to be confused with any later song of the same name, “Set Me Freevideo was the 6th single by The Kinks.

In “God Save The Kinks”, Ray Davies told biographer Rob Jovanovic it came about because he was asked to write a “Kinks-sounding song”. The opening bar is living proof of that. This was, said Davies, the first time he felt uncomfortable writing.

In 4/4 time, this Ray Davies solo composition was recorded at Pye Studios in London, April 13-4, 1965, released in the UK on May 21 and in the U.S. on May 26.

Backed by “I Need Youvideo, its best showing was #2 in the Canadian charts. The original runs to around 2 minutes 20 seconds.

The Kinks official site / Rock & Roll Hall of Fame / Billboard / All Music / Song Facts / The Kinks

Image: “Kinda Kinks (album)” by The Kinks

Kinks Biography Part 1 - 6, Rock'n'Roll Hall Of Fame video (YouTube)


A Test for People Who Know Everything

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “BODY LANGUAGE” ($200)

“'Cut off your ____ to spite your face.'”

Answer for People Who Do Not Know Everything, or Want to Verify Their Answer Phrases.org

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “BODY LANGUAGE” ($400)

“'By the skin of his ____.'”

Answer for People Who Do Not Know Everything, or Want to Verify Their Answer Phrases.org

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “BODY LANGUAGE” ($600)

“Alluding to a bad boxer: 'Lead with one's ____.'”

Answer for People Who Do Not Know Everything, or Want to Verify Their Answer The Free Dictionary

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “BODY LANGUAGE” ($800)

“'Rack your ____.'”

Answer for People Who Do Not Know Everything, or Want to Verify Their Answer Phrases.org

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “BODY LANGUAGE” ($1,000)

“'The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their ____.'”

Answer for People Who Do Not Know Everything, or Want to Verify Their Answer Brainy Quote

Answer to Last Week's Test

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “LET IT 'RAIN'” ($200)

“A twisting of ligaments at a joint, such as the ankle.”

● Answer: a Sprain. Mayo Clinic.org

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “LET IT 'RAIN'” ($400)

“Something that's the cause of a decrease, such as 'on resources'.”

● Answer: a Drain. Bob Vila

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “LET IT 'RAIN'” ($600)

“Abstain & this other 'ain' word both mean to just not do it.”

● Answer: Refrain. Word Detective

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “LET IT 'RAIN'” ($800)

“It's the 'AT' in ATV”

● Answer: All-terrain. Star Wars

From the Jeopardy Archives Category - “LET IT 'RAIN'” ($1,000)

“You're probably one of these eggheads from the name of a super-smart alien in the Superman comics.”

● Answer: a Brainiac. DC Comics

Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day


One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.”

When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, “Don't keep all your eggs in one basket.”

Little Lucy went next. “My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.”

Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.

Lucy replied, “Don't count your chickens before they hatch.”

Next up was little Johnny. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands.”

The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.

“Well”, Johnny replied, “Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.”